____________________________________________________ THE GOSPEL OBSERVER "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations...teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:19,20). ____________________________________________________ April 11, 1999 ____________________________________________________ Why Can't a Woman Be More Like a Man? by Al Diestelkamp A better question might be, ``Would you really want your wife to be more like a man?'' Wasn't it her feminine qualities that first attracted you to her? Most of us, if really put to the test, wouldn't opt to have a wife that has manly characteristics. It's only in moments of frustration that we think it would be handy if she were like us. Of course, the same is true in women's complaints about men. In a moment of disagreement a woman may think she wants her husband to think and respond more like she does, but in her calmer moments she realizes that his differences are what she admires. Recognizing the basic differences in the sexes is important. However, the differences should not be used--by men or women--as an excuse for failure to modify behavior. There is room for improvement for both men and women, and we would all do well to ``imitate'' what is good in each other (see 3 Jn. 11). As husbands we need to understand that our wives have needs that differ from our own. Not every woman has the exact same needs, but there are some basic needs of which we would be wise to be aware. Being aware of these needs is only half the battle. We must also be willing to meet the needs of our wives. That's our job. A great ``fringe-benefit'' of doing this job well is that our wives will respond in kind by making sure that our needs are met. Obviously, not all men and women would list their needs in the same order of priority, but a recent survey of Christians and their spouses showed the following generalization: HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS 1. Sexual Gratification 1. Spiritual Leadership 2. Affection/Love 2. Family Commitment 3. Admiration/Approval 3. Conversation 4. Family Commitments 4. Affection/Love 5. Conversation 5. Financial Security Though there are some mutual needs of husbands and wives, there are also some very different needs. Best illustrating the difference between men and women is the need for sexual gratification. While men were reluctant to list it as their No. 1 need, it appeared on more lists than any other need. Actually, whether men like to admit it or not, their No. 2 and No. 3 needs may be an extension of their need for sexual gratification. This strong emphasis is sometimes hard for wives to understand. The men may be disappointed that sexual gratification didn't even make the top-five list of their wives, but may take some comfort in knowing that it just missed the list with their wives giving it sixth place. But enough about our needs! Let's focus on what the wives described as their needs: Spiritual Leadership -- This was, by far, the number one need expressed, with 91% of the women who participated, listing this as one of her needs, and 55% listing it as the No. 1 need. This involves not only setting a good example for the wife and children, but also getting directly involved in developing spiritual maturity in the home. It is too often the case that the husband will neglect this responsibility, which places a greater burden on the wife. She needs you to take the lead in preparing your family for eternity, including using your authority to enforce righteous behavior, modesty and involvement in worship and Bible study. Family Commitment -- Actually, this and the next two needs appeared in the needs lists of 73% of the wives surveyed, but Family Commitment ranked slightly higher on the lists. When a woman becomes a mother, much of her life revolves around the family unit. She needs you to be as fully committed as she to making the home a fortress against all that might threaten the family. Conversation/Communication -- It's not surprising that the need for conversation was on the list of 73% of wives questioned. What is surprising is that it even showed up in the top five of the men's list! Generally, women are twice as communicative as men. It is hurtful to the wife when her husbands doesn't talk to her as a friend. Though the husband may not intend to be treating his wife as unimportant, that is often how it is viewed by her. She is your partner and deserves to share your thoughts and plans. Affection/Love -- In our survey Affection/Love was listed on 73% of our wives' needs lists. On larger surveys not limited to wives of Christians this is usually the top-ranked need. Though it is also on the husbands' list, how wives anticipate affection to be shown is usually different. Husbands need to use their imaginations to invent new ways of showing true affection for their wives. Financial Security -- This need, expressed by 55% of the respondents, should not be interpreted as the need for riches, but rather the need for the husband to be responsible for supporting the family. There are two extremes to be avoided. The husband who abdicates his responsibility to support his family has obviously failed to meet a real need. On the other hand, some use the obligation to support the family as an excuse for practicing materialism. The best way to find happiness in this life is to fulfill the needs of the wife you love so much. Her needs ought not to take second place to anything except what is expected by the Lord. And since our wives have indicated their greatest need is for us to be the spiritual leaders God expects of us, they won't mind taking second place to God. STUDY & APPLY 1 Peter 3:7. As husbands, we are instructed to be understanding as we dwell with our wives. At times, our physiological and emotional differences make this a challenge. James 4:1-3. When a husband is not dealing fairly with his wife his prayers are ``hindered'' because: 1) He is less likely to pray; 2) God is less likely to respond. PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS - Be aggressive in making and enforcing spiritual guidelines for the family (i.e. modest dress, recreational restraints, worship priority). - Make time for family togetherness activities. - Talk to your wife as your best friend. Ask for her opinion often, and listen to her advice. - Find new ways to demonstrate your affection for her (i.e. helping with a household chore; taking care of the children so she can do something enjoyable; give her token gifts). -- Via Think On These Things, January-February-March, 1999 ___________________________________________ If We Had Been There.... by Robert F. Turner If we had been with Moses, we would have been faithful. If we had been with Christ, we would not have forsaken Him. If we had been with the Apostles, we would have suffered persecutions gladly in order to proclaim the gospel message. This old, old refrain is heard in every generation, and is repeated by people who believe every word they say. There is seldom a word of truth in it. ``Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites' because ye build the tombs of the prophets, and garnish the sepulchres of the righteous, and say, `If we had been in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets.' Wherefore ye be witnesses unto yourselves, that ye are the children of them which killed the prophets. Fill ye up then the measure of your fathers'' (Matt. 23:29-32). Yesterday's battles can not be fought today; and if they could, the blood and thunder would be as frightening to the fearful hypocrites of today, as it was to those of yesteryear. Past wars are glamorous; today's war is just what Sherman said it was. Would you have opposed that elder of the second century who first ``presided''? It seemed such a little thing at the time but it was the beginning of the Papal system. The unknown soldiers of the cross who gave battle then did not fight in vain. Their names are written in the Lamb's book. But their names were likely removed from the ``church'' books, if such were kept; for the majority of the brethren ``went along'' with the Metropolitan system, remember. If you had been there, would you have stood with the minority, fighting for truth? In the past century, would you have fought bravely for congregational independence? Would you have opposed the Missionary Society, and later the use of mechanical instruments in the worship? Some few did, but they had to leave church buildings and popular esteem, and start anew. Too bad you were not there to help them. YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A HERO--YESTERDAY!!! But alas, we live today! And today's battles are not pretty. The persecutions of history, which stir our hearts with admiration, are the jeers--or silent treatments--of today, which affect our social and business affairs. Like the Baptist Manual says, ``Now, it is different.'' ``Fill ye up then the measure of your fathers.'' Do what you must!! -- Via Plain Talk, March 1964 ___________________________________________ The Cure for Murmuring by Jere E. Frost A young lady of culture, talent, health and opportunity was a chronic complainer. She reeked of unhappiness. There were so many things in her life that did not suit her. They ranged from ``bad-hair-days'' to some genuine problems. ``Why is something always wrong?'' she wanted to know. ``Why don't things work out right?'' But one thing she was never without was a grumble or complaint. Her conversations were litanies of personal problems and aggravations. She could drop gloom thicker than a child's globbing peanut butter on a piece of bread. The skies inside her heart were gray. It didn't often storm, but it was usually dreary with rain and darkness. One day, the story goes, she was complaining (as usual) about her husband, car, house, schedule, interruptions, aches, bad luck and on and on. This time she was complaining to her doctor who was a person well acquainted with tragedy and the bitterness that can beset a life. She opened the door for him when she said, ``Why does everything have to happen to me? Why does it seem that nothing ever works out right?'' He took advantage of the open door. ``My dear, dear friend,'' he said. ``Things work out as well for you as they do for most of the folks I know. But the difference is, and the reason you are so unhappy and find so much about which to complain, is -- too much luxury, too little gratitude. Gratitude's the Cure Some for whom life has been hard are grateful for every blessing. Others, for whom life has been too easy, are more aggrieved about things that are not to their liking than they are grateful for what is good. I have noticed and have personally been uplifted by the fact that some of the folks who have the heaviest loads and biggest problems carry them the best, and spread sunshine at the same time. You do not have to look far. Our dear brother, Tracy Schell, was handed a tough circumstance in life, but gratitude radiates in his countenance, personality and articles (that he regularly writes). He's not the only one. I know, and have known, several in my life who had loads that I'm not sure I could carry, but they did it magnificently and cheerfully. Our just departed sister, Jackie Moreland, was healthy and radiant most of her life. When she was diagnosed as having breast cancer, she wrote a poem entitled, ``My Turn,'' and though the vitiating malady ravaged her body, it never could extinguish the gratitude that is in the root of all happiness. Helen Keller, blind and deaf all her life, radiated cheer. In his farewell address Jesus spoke of peace and joy to his disciples (John 14:27; 16:33). Lord, forgive me when I whine. Open my eyes to see the rainbow; let not my heart dwell in the rain or shower gloom on others. Make me conscious of the blessings of the common day. But most of all, fill me with thanks and praise to Thee for the living hope that you have given by the death and resurrection of our blessed and adorable Redeemer. -- Via The Bulletin of the North Courtenay church of Christ, March 28, 1999 ________________________________________ Tri-State CHURCH OF CHRIST 1314 Montgomery Avenue, Ashland, Kentucky 41101 Sunday: 10:00 A.M. Bible class 10:50 A.M. Worship 6:30 P.M. Worship Wednesday: 7:30 P.M. Bible study evangelist/editor: Tom Edwards (606) 325-9742 e-mail: tedwards@zoomnet.net Gospel Observer web site: http://www.zoomnet.net/~tedwards/go ________________________________________